Even In Death
by Raven's secret-keeper
Summary: After Raven's night is interrupted by another flashback riling Dove's powers to the breaking point, she decides to take Dove back to Azarath, in the hopes of helping her find closure. It takes longer than one night to heal from such devastation... but this is a good start. (OC inclusive. Takes place after Unforeseen. Totally rewritten overhaul of Nothing Good Lasts Forever.)


_Here we go again..._

Raven had waken as if from a nightmare; too fast and hard, the time rather deep in the night even for _her_, a habitual night-owl.

But _her_ sleep had been dreamless.

The panic pulsing in her awareness was empathic, and its source: The room Dove was currently occupying. The room she stood before this very moment. The room she entered the next.

And apparently, the room currently steeped in unprecedented chaos.

She'd waken just as Dove's powers went ballistic. Waves of cold static crested and sent ripples through the air, bombarding her senses with staggering blasts of frantic mental energy, and a glass on the bedside table shattered to the floor, all with Dove's incoherent words yelping through the cacophony of destruction.

Insistently images rose to erupt in her mind, but Raven only flinched once before she shielded herself against the telepathic projections. Approached Dove's struggling form. Sat on the bed. She needed a breath for focus against the roar of fear swathing the room (and swamping her senses), but once she assured herself she was... _steady_, she reached out, with her hands as well as the shadow of her soul, and felt her energies bridging the gap between her stable mind and the trembling form that was Dove.

She tapped into it, engaging that familiar empathic routine, just as she had done so many times before.

Only this time, nothing pressed out against her, forbidding her from instant influence.

She prepared to wake her up– But quickly realized Dove wasn't sleeping. Her consciousness was altered, but not dreaming; altered in a different way, less familiar. And one harder to pull her out of.

"Dove," she called, voice held low but steady as stone, "I need you to listen to me."

She'd seen Robin in this state, felt it from Starfire, even felt it herself. She only hoped she could snap Dove out of it without using force.

"You need to calm down."

Dove suddenly blinked up at her, voice ragged and babbling in breathless anxiety. "I– I was having a nightmare. And then, I don't know when, but I was having, uhhm... a, what do you... call it...? Like a memory, but... _in_ it–"

"A flashback."

She tried to say 'yeah', but the word lodged in her throat, and she could only nod, haltingly. She blinked her wide eyes and felt her breaths coming in great gulps, then put her head in her hands and let out a shuddering sigh and couldn't help realizing how slick her face was - like the rest of her, coated in cold sweat.

Thoughts and memories flooded her mind in snapshot agonies and lingering phantom sensations–

"It's over, Dove. It's already done. And you escaped."

–she recalled the pain, suffering, and torment she had felt when it happened, the pain she had sensed through her vision, the terror of a thousand tortured souls dying by the power of Trigon; the hatred, fear and desolation settling in once more–

"Focus on my voice. You're here now. You're safe."

"...Raven?"

"I'm right here, Dove."

She blinked, rapidly, it seemed her mind caught up with her eyes, and remembered where she was: not in Azarath, about to be destroyed… She was in Titans' Tower, about to release uncontrolled energies if she didn't calm down.

The problem was that her emotions wouldn't listen to reason. She had always struggled to recollect herself after this happened… It was just so hard to find her center when she couldn't even find her roots.

But she had to try...

She expelled a frustrated and wistful breath and let herself fall backwards onto the bed.

_Why did it have to happen..? Why couldn't he just leave us alone? If he hadn't_–

"What's going on?"

"My powers – I just… Nothing, yet."

"Are... you okay?"

"Define okay..."

"Dove, I can sense it. Something's wrong."

"Well, um... yeah. I just had that dream again and I'm… kind of remembering and wishing that– You know… I can't really explain it. I mean, I don't know if I can say it so you'll understand…"

"Try me."

"I don't know! Really, I can't explain the…"

"You don't have to."

Dove looked up at her face.

"I can sense your longing, and your confusion. But, Dove… Do you know what that vision meant?"

"Um… I think I already do… Azarath was going to be – well, _is_ – destroyed. And the visions always show that everything there is... gone."

Raven nodded.

"Weren't you there when it happened?"

She nodded again… though slowly. "I was."

"You never told me what you were there for."

"It's…"

Dove only seemed more flustered at her uncharacteristic note of hesitation. "It's okay, if you don't want to." She sighed and put her head on her folded arms. "I just miss Azarath with all my heart!" Her voice thickened as she spoke, and she closed her eyes tightly – it was her only defense against the tears about to fall.

"Dove…"

Dove looked up. With her powers maddened to hypersensitivity by her emotions, she could _feel_ something stirring, alive and whirling, with thoughts going through Raven's mind, being reformed and changed, edited…

"Raven?"

"You need closure."

"Huh...?" Dove's voice was still weak, frail. But at least she got the word out.

"You can't move past it... until you have closure."

Her chin lifted, questions in her eyes.

"There's a lot you have to deal with. Your mind has been seriously damaged by what you've been through. I wonder..." And she trailed off there, hesitating, considering the concept before she dared give it voice.

Dove just kept looking up at her, brow still furrowed in confusion, yet entirely absorbed in her analysis. It was so true. Tearing her apart, every time she remembered... The nightmares and flashbacks wouldn't let her forget it.

Raven decided it was best to ask. "Would you like to see Azarath, just once more?"

Dove blinked, and froze, unsure if she'd heard her right.

"It won't be anything like you remember."

"Uh… Yeah, maybe–? How… Is it really a good idea? I mean, my... I can't... I'm still – My emotions..."

"It won't matter there, Dove." Her voice's normal flatness was replaced with a bitter edge of nihilism. "And… You're wondering what it's like now."

Dove nodded shyly. "A little…"

"I can take you… Only if you want. Only if you think you're ready."

Dove tilted her head, then gave a small nod.

"Are you _sure?_ It's not exactly golden streets anymore."

"That's kind of obvious, but... I'd still like to see it. Be there, one more time... Kind of, say goodbye. I mean, Azarath always has this feeling– I dunno, I can't explain it."

"Not anymore," Raven told her. "Since that day– Trigon completely _destroyed_ it. That feeling is gone. The magic is gone. Everything is."

"It is? But, it's... it's still Azarath. It may only be ashes, but it's still home to me."

"It's not going to feel much like home."

Dove shrugged. "I want to know what it's like."

"If you're sure..."

Dove nodded, her voice almost desperate now that Raven had presented the option, offered what she craved for the first five months on this world. "I'm sure."

Raven stood up, and Dove followed. She felt a strange rush of excitement and anticipation sided by a hint of fear, but pushed it aside as she followed Raven out into the hall.

"Raven?"

She looked over her shoulder as they walked.

"Why are you doing this for me?"

"You should know what the vision meant. You can't spend your life wondering. And I think you have a right to know."

Dove sighed. Then she blinked, a bit uneasily. "How are you doing this?"

"With a little help."

"From where? Who? What?"

"Calm down, first of all."

"Sorry, I just – I'm a little excited, among other things…"

"And the anticipation is killing you."

"Pretty much. Raven, this is Azarath we're dealing with!"

"But it's not the Azarath you remember."

"...Hm…" What other Azarath could it possibly be? Dove couldn't help wondering exactly what Raven meant by all of these emphatic warnings, but she could only hope, and weakly, that it wasn't going to be _too_ bad. And suddenly fear came to life again, a weird feeling against her hope, afraid it would ruin her memory of Azarath, but she didn't understand why. Nothing could be worse than the nightmare reel of screaming, burning, suffocating panicked genocide in her visions.

"Wait here," Raven told her as she stopped in front of her door and entered. Dove looked at the door as it shut and realized that it was marked RAVEN. She couldn't help wondering why she'd gone in.

Raven exited the room carrying a flask of a blue-white powder and a few candles.

"What're we– _ohhh_… I've seen this before."

"You have?"

"Well, uhhm, sort of? Srentha showed me. Not an actual demonstration, but he showed me a book. This is the ritual for dimensional travel, _isn't_ it…"

"How did you think we would get there?" She began setting the candles in the hall around them.

Dove asked timidly, "I thought... Don't you have the power to Travel on your own?"

Raven told her flatly, "I can use all the help I can get. Seals of protection are sewn into Azarath's existence. Its dimensional boundaries were converted into energy shields. Nobody is ever supposed to find it. They made it _very_ hard to get _through."_

"But you _have_ the abilities to get there, don't you?"

"That doesn't mean I have to use them."

"Why not...?"

"I'm not sure how you would react, if you don't even like travelling at the speed of levitation– travelling at the speed of thought would be... rough."

"We're... using magic, then?"

Raven nodded. "Do you know the incantation?"

"Not really. I mean, sort of…"

"But you can focus yourself by now –I hope."

"Pretty much."

"You're going to need to focus your mind–"

"On the destination."

"Right." Raven set up the last candle and waved her hand; in swift motion, the wicks ignited.

"Azar, I can't believe I'm really doing this…"

"Why not?"

"I'm going back to Azarath. I'd always thought it was impossible… If it's not really Azarath anymore, do you think the barrier is still there?"

"Somewhat. Sit down. Across from me," she added as she sat with her legs crossed.

Dove nodded and did so. "Is this really going to work?"

"Yes, Dove."

"Sorry, I'm... getting sort of annoying, aren't I…"

"You said it, not me."

"Sorry…"

"Don't apologize. You want to know."

"It really doesn't bother you that much?"

"More than that."

"...Oh."

Raven picked up the flask with her telekinesis, uncorked it, and poured a circle around them with the grainy powder.

"Start focusing on Azarath…"

"Alright." Dove took in a breath, and exhaled it slowly, then closed her eyes and pictured the golden streets, the two suns hanging in the ever-clear sky, the buildings reflecting their light across the streets... She heard Raven chanting Azarath Metrion Zinthos and joined in, her voice sometimes faltering because she only knew half the incantation – Raven's voice, however, only grew with intensity.

"Acarazom racashaz endre, vacarix endrien... Azarath, _Azarath! __**Azarath!**__"_

She could see specks of light sparking up through her closed eyelids, and soon an entire circle of glowing energies flared around them. She felt the prickle of space opening up, giving way to warp around them, and time warping with it, skewing perception, directional sense already going haywire. Dizzying her.

As soon as they finished reciting the words, the energies created a radiating cylinder from floor to ceiling around them, and they were pulled into a vortex of kaleidoscopic light, radiating iridescence.

"Stay focused and look ahead."

Dove nodded. But Azar, that was _hard_– with the constant cycle of reality's facets rushing past, even her _thoughts_ felt so awfully disoriented...

"Uh. Which way is forward, again?"

Rather than answer, her sister took her hand and pulled.

"We're almost there," Raven said.

Dove looked ahead hopefully, eager for it to be over. She could already see an area of solid white light –

"Close your eyes."

Dove did so, and there was a flash of blinding light before so many strange and unusual sensations tore through them – the feelings of being torn through time and space, and entering an entirely different dimension.

"We're here," Raven announced softly.

Solid ground met their feet, and suddenly gravity fell back into place.

Dove had traveled between the dimensions once before, but that was guided by Azarath's pathways and her own desperation. Raven's way was much faster. More direct. And it had her head and stomach and thoughts whirling so tightly she tottered, the moment her feet touched down, and groaned. She suddenly felt so disoriented, so dizzy– she couldn't see straight, or remember how to balance out.

Raven held her shoulders, and muttered for her to realign her energies; she knows this place, ground herself.

"Breathe, and close your eyes until it's over."

Dove finally felt herself stabilize, her stomach calm enough to look up–

Her eyes widened upon the sight. And her whole body was frozen in a whole new kind of disorientation, startled still. Raven was right: it was absolutely nothing like she remembered.

The place she remembered was brilliant, beautiful, and felt infused with magic.

This was not that place.

This was not her _home._

All she could see on the skyline was ruins and ashes. There was a dangerous pathway of pointed volcanic rock where there had once been a street, and the air hung thick with sulfuric essence.

"Great… Azar," Dove whispered, suddenly hardly able to speak. The heavy air didn't help. "And you… you were there when _this_ happened?"

Raven nodded solemnly.

Dove couldn't even begin to imagine the horror of witnessing such a travesty. "Azar help you… I… I can't… What's wrong?"

"Just... remembering."

"You don't want to talk about it, do you…"

"I'd rather not relive it."

"I– I thought so… Wow…" She kneeled on the ground and picked up a handful of the ash, letting it sift through her fingers as if searching for any nugget of gold that might possibly have survived. "This was once Azarath... Now what is it?"

"Nothing more than ruin and memory."

"The bottoms of the buildings are still there… I wonder if... How much do you think survived?"

"Absolutely nothing."

"Oh… _Azar…_" She gulped. "Uh, it's a good thing you... you uhhm, warned me about this... I... I'd probably be sobbing, and…" She shuddered, hand to her mouth as she looked around, eyes wide and brow furrowing in sympathy. "Gods… I still can't believe this... I know it happened, but… I've never seen anything like this… It's hard to breathe…"

"The entire dimension was destroyed by a demon overlord. What else did you expect?"

"I don't know. I don't know…" She felt delirious - reconciling her memories with this cold, hard, lifeless reality was more disorienting than the travel here. "Oh, Azar... This was the only place I've ever known since birth… And I had always felt so _safe_ here, even when I was home alone, and then when I had to leave it was just so... so upsetting…"

She looked at Raven, and told her, "It's so... so _dead_. The magic's still here, but... There's no one to give it _life_. I can feel it, it's... It's so _quiet_. And it's colder here, without the suns. There's no one to make it Azarath..."

When she finally trailed off, Raven cast her gaze to the dark sky. "There's also no one here to feel pain anymore."

It was Dove who stated, emptily and with cold, harsh realism: "They aren't _afraid_ anymore."

The last thing she knew of Azarath… was fire; devastating; agony. Destruction. Violence. So much DEATH. But to come back, and find it… not hurting. Merely, inert... An ache, but not a blow. She didn't cry. Her heart ached; she remembered, she wished… but there was reassurance here. Not just for the closure. To find her home, and for it to not be hurting...

It soothed her, immensely.

"Do you understand?"

Dove turned to her.

"I wanted you to know that, everything you saw in your vision? That was it. It's over. They aren't suffering anymore. And it isn't your responsibility to bear. You shouldn't have to spend your life reliving it."

Dove's silent... Watching her, eyes sincere and open, too humbled by her wisdom for words.

"We can't reverse it... We can't bring them back. But we survived. And so will our memories."

Their gazes drifted out over the barren stone, all that was left of their homes.

Raven continued, "Your memories are powerful. Important. Azarath was a big part of both of our lives. And its people deserve to live on in our memory."

Dove nodded... then she told her, softly: "I do understand."

Raven offered, "If you're having flashbacks again, you can talk to me."

Dove answered, distantly, "I won't be sleeping, anyways..."

"Don't you stay awake, after your nightmares?"

Dove nodded. "I'm trying not to... but..." She shook her head. "I won't be able to sleep."

"That's not surprising. Recovering from trauma isn't a linear process. What you experienced, was... huge. Life-changing. It's going to take you a long, long time to heal. I hope this helps."

Dove blinked... and after a moment, of visually sweeping the horizon, still drinking in the fact that... the darkness here was silent, and PEACEFUL, in a way her vision never showed... Even in death, Azarath remained at peace.

She gave Raven the tiniest, most subtle of nods. But it was sincere.

Even in death, seeing Azarath again was _comforting_.

And for some reason, that was when her eyes prickled with tears that hadn't fallen at the ice-cold sulfuric air alone.

"We should probably go before your emotions escape again… I can sense–"

"Yeah."

Raven nodded, a little sympathetically. She'd responded so readily– almost _eagerly_. And there was a quiver in her hands... though she remained rooted to her spot. Still looking. Still processing...

But something like this couldn't be processed in a single night.

"Come on," she urged gently.

Dove took one last, longing, grieving glimpse around, a dull relief in her heart but an even vivider desolation gripping her mind.

Any thoughts, any secret daydreams she'd ever held of secretly returning to Azarath had just been ground into dust. And she left the dust there, swirling behind them as Raven chanted them away, wrapped in shadows even colder than the eternal night that had fallen across their childhood home.


End file.
